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Horrifying Movies on My Scary Movie Blacklist


A couple of years ago I made a top ten list of scary movies that I'll probably never watch, and this year I've decided to revisit that list and add to it. Even though I do like reading horror books, I'm not actually the biggest fan of horror movies because I find them so much scarier (i know that for most people, books are scarier for movies, but it's the complete opposite for me). When it comes to visual mediums like movies, TV shows, or video games, I'm a complete baby because even though I like to think that my imagination is pretty powerful, it never conjures up nasty monsters or gory situations so when I see them, it's a huge shock to my system.

I personally tend to only watch horror movies that are incredibly old and probably not even scary anymore, unless I'm feeling particularly brave, so this post will only show that I am a total baby, but I'm okay with that.


The Human Centipede trilogy - I understand that the original Human Centipede movie came about from a joke that the director made about how child molesters should be punished (he said that paedophiles should be punished by having their mouths stitched to the butts of sweaty truck drivers. lovely) but it has to be the squickiest thing I've ever heard. I have a fear of choking so the idea of somebody forcibly doing their business down another person's throat is enough to make my stomach churn. There's now three movies in this series, all of which I will not be watching any time soon out of the fear of losing my lunch while watching. If I have any lunch to lose, that is.

The Thing - I love aliens, and will usually watch anything with them in. Apart from this movie. I've seen The Thing heralded as the scariest movie ever made and even seeing a stop-motion parody starring Pingu which is surprisingly graphic has put me off this movie for life. But who knows, I can watch Alien no problem these days and that movie used to be on my blacklist (i've even gif-ed the chestburster scene, that's how much it doesn't bother me anymore).

BrainDead/Dead Alive - Zombies aren't my favourite thing in the world so I haven't actually seen a single zombie movie. Things that involve zombies usually tend to be gory, and I can't handle gory, so I tend to stay away from them (i also think zombies are kinda boring, but that's for another discussion). This Peter Jackson (yes, that Peter Jackson) movie is so gory that I can't even read the content guide on IMDb without having to compose myself. I get that it's supposed to be played for laughs, but I just can't handle this level of gore. There's a scene where the hero goes through a room of zombies with a lawnmower and let's just say that there's a lot of blood (five gallons of it, to be exact). To quote James Rolfe of Cinemassacre, "Think of the most horrifying, grisly, bloody, sick fuck of a movie you can possible think of. Then look at BrainDead. Now whatever you were just thinking of, looks like the Care Bears."

The Exorcist - I'm the kind of person who falls for subliminal messages incredibly easily. If I'm watching a YouTube video and there's text on the screen for literally one frame, I'm going to pause so that I can go back and read it. If I did that while watching The Exorcist I probably wouldn't sleep thanks to the numerous times the demon's face pops up for less than a second. If you want to see what I mean, do a YouTube search for the original theatrical trailer, but be careful if you're sensitive to flashing images. I'm not religious at all and I don't believe in demons or posessions, but the idea of it does scare me because I hate the idea of not being in control of your own body. *Shudders*

 

Anything by Troma - Troma is an independent film studio that makes B-horror movies that look not just graphic, but ridiculous too. They're also made pretty cheaply, which I guess could be a charming thing to some people, but not necessarily to me. Ridiculousness isn't always a bad thing because from the looks of it (and the titles), these movies don't take themselves too seriously as horror movies. I mean, they have a movie called Killer Condom, that doesn't sound like a movie to take seriously. But to me, gore is gore and I would definitely watch these movies from underneath a blanket. With my fingers in my ears. And my eyes closed.

Men Behind the Sun - This is a historical Chinese movie about war atrocities committed by the Imperial Japanese Army during WWII and it just sounds horrendously graphic. Historical and horror aren't usually two genres that go together, but in this case I will support it because the war crimes committed in WWII were so awful that the only way they could be portrayed accurately is in a horror movie. So, what do we have here? We have people being frozen to death, having frozen limbs smashed, people being tied up to posts and bombed, a young boy is given an autopsy while he's still alive, a man locked into a compression chamber until his insides come out of his body, and real dead bodies. Yep, real dead bodies. Why? Because in the 80s there was no special effects industry in China so the director had to use real dead bodies instead. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? At least it's historically accurate. Supposedly, that is.

The Fly (1986) - I should specify that I only mean the 80s remake of The Fly and not the original version because it's probably nowhere near as horrifying as the remake. David Cronenberg is probably the most well-known body horror director and most of his movies just sound so gross and scary to me that the only one I'd probably watch is The Dead Zone. Anyways, back to The Fly. I've never handled stories about mutation very well, I still haven't seen a single X-Men movie because of this. Insects have always freaked me out, so the idea of a person mutating into a giant bug thing is my idea of a nightmare. Also, a guy's hand and foot get melted by the fly's spit. Nice.

The Green Inferno - You know what really freaks me out? Eyeballs. I can't handle things happening to eyeballs to the point that I'm incredibly grateful that I have perfect vision because I would much rather be blind and wear glasses forever than wear contacts or get (ick) laser eye surgery. What does this have to do with this movie? There's a scene in which one character has his eyes gouged out, tongue cut off, and then eaten. While he's still alive. I just can't deal with that kind of thing.



Cannibal Holocaust - This is supposed to be one of the most disturbing movies ever made, mainly because people thought it was real and the director was put on trial for murder, where the cast (who were told to pretend to be dead) had to defend him by showing that they weren't murdered. The worst part for me isn't the gore and sexual violence, it's the real animal killings. Yes, animals were actually killed on-screen in this movie. I can't even handle fake animal deaths, never mind real ones.

A Serbian Film - I usually have no problem with arthouse films, especially if I understand them. But, *ahem*, child rape. No, no, no, no, no. Gore aside, child rape is definite where I draw the line with this one.

Antichrist - Y'know what doesn't sound fun? Genital mutilation. Yeah. Gential. Mutilation. Both male and female. I'm squirming just typing that.


The Wizard of Gore - Now that we're at the end of this list, we should all know by now that I try to stay away from body horror as much as possible. I can handle violence incredibly well (in fact, some of my absolute favourite movies are pretty violent), but gore is a whole different story, especially if it involves the human body. The title of this movie pretty much gives away the fact that it's going to be incredibly gory. Apparently the effects of this movie haven't aged very well, which is usually the sign that I'd probably be ok to watch it, but I won't be risking it any time soon. The whole thing's waiting on YouTube for me if I ever do want to watch it.

Are there any horror movies that you can't watch? What makes you nervous about watching a particular horror movie?

Movies on My Bloody Vampire Watchlist



As I established in my last post, I'm a huge vampire fan. However, there are still plenty of vampire movies (as well as books, of course) that I haven't seen. That's to be expected from a genre that many people wrongly say is done to death (vampires can never be overdone, imo, because there's so many different ways to portray them). So today, I'm presenting my watchlist of vampire movies. For those of you who don't know, a watchlist is basically a TBR list, but for movies instead of books. I got this idea from IMDb, which has their own Watchlist feature that lets you keep track of what you want to watch.

When I was making up this list, I decided to split it into two categories: Dracula movies, and movies with original characters. There are over 200 Dracula movies because the character is in the public domain and as much as I love Dracula, I'd slowly lose my mind if I marathoned over 200 movies that feature the character. I need some variety in my life.

My Favourite Vampires (Vicious and Non-Vicious)


LET'S TALK ABOUT VAMPIRES! I've always been fascinated by and interested in vampires, but I didn't actually become full-blown obsessed with them until around about last year when I decided to write vampire stories for my unviersity dissertation and did a ton of research. And by research I mean watching a crapton of vampire movies and picking apart the way that they're portrayed. Watching movies does too count as research, shush. Anyways, I assume that most people who have a love for a certain kind of fictional creature have their favourites, so I here I've compiled a short list of mine. Because there are two things in life that I love: lists and vampires. So a list about vampires is just the best thing ever.



[INSERT CLICHÉ ABOUT HOW NO LIST ABOUT VAMPIRES IS COMPLETE WITHOUT MENTIONING DRACULA] Here's the thing about the original Dracula novel that makes the character so interesting: you barely see him at all and very little is known about him. Dracula is such a mysterious person that it makes him so much scarier than he has come to be in more recent times with the countless adaptations there have been. I do still think that Dracula can be scary depending on how he's portrayed, as Gary Oldman showed back in the 90s. Although I do have a very soft spot for Bela Lugosi.


I can sense so many eyebrows being raised right now, but here me out. As strange as it sounds, I love Sesame Street even as an adult, and the Count is one of my favourite characters. And for me, that's the strange part because I hate anything to do with numbers and this character teaches youngins how to count (we all know about Sesame Street so there's no need for me to explain this). Anyways, what I like about the Count is not only is he a vampire, he's a vampire who actually has an incredibly traditional characteristic of vampires, which is an impulsive need to count things (or arithmomania, if you want to be technical about it). Did you know that? I did, and now I have something to be smug about. Also, he's pretty adorable, as all Muppets are.



I feel like I should preface this choice with a mini rant: I don't mind the Twilight vampires all that much. Yes, the sparkling thing is pretty silly, but just because they do doesn't mean that every single vampire created for the rest of time will do the same thing. Vampires are incredibly versatile, you can do whatever you want with them as long as they're dead people who drink blood, human or not. Some of them go out into bright sunlight and are fine, some of them burst into flame in just a little crack, but those vampires who can face sunlight are still vampires, just the same as Twilight vampires are still vampires even though they sparkle. Also, vampires in high school doesn't have to be a realistic situation. In the fictionalised words of Edward D. Wood, as portrayed as Johnny Depp: "haven't you people ever heard of suspension of disbelief?" Okay, rant over.

I'm not really into Twilight, but when I was, Carlisle was my favourite character. I'm not sure why but maybe it's because at the time he was such an unconventional vampire (obviously the entire Cullen clan is made up of unconventionally-friendly vampires, but Carlisle moreso) and also because he's a doctor. I like doctors (as long as they're not my GP, but that's not something I'm going to get into here). Also, in the movies, he was pretty damn fine. Peter Facinelli is one good looking dude.

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I know that Mr. Burns was only a vampire in one non-canon part of one episode, but Burns makes for a perfect vampire, don't you think? He doesn't care much for other people, he pretends to get to know other people only to tear them down, and the most important person to him is himself. Perfect vampire material, so it only makes sense for him to be a vampire in a ToH segment. Especially with Gary Oldman's look at the beginning of Bram Stoker's Dracula.

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Oh, look, another hot guy. We're all in agreement that Colin Farrell is gorgeous, right? I really hope so. I haven't seen the original Fright Night so I can't really comment on the original version of Jerry, but I do love how this vampire seems virtually indestructible. Obviously there are plenty of weaknesses vampires have that writers can pick and choose from (I always say that as long as they're dead people who drink blood, you're good to go) but to see one that is immune to nearly all of the more traditional and well-known ways of killing a vampire, is pretty frightening. However, I don't think I'd let him bite me because his pure vampire face isn't that nice.



I personally don't think that there are enough female vampires in fiction, even though there are people who will disagree with me on that. The problem that I have with female vampires is that they are almost always extremely sexual and there's not a lot that's done with them. Despite that, I do like Lucy as a character because she shows how gradual becoming a vampire can be. So many things show that people can turn into vampires almost instantly, but with Lucy it happens so gradually with not just her body changing but her personality too. I won't bore you with an analysis of her language and all that crap because this blog isn't an academic thing, but seeing her change from being a bubbly socialite into a sensual creature that feeds on children is pretty fascinating.



I've only seen this movie once, but it did leave a big impression on me in terms of how vampires can be done. One of the main ideas that I'd taken from this movie in my vampire stories is the idea of a "head vampire" that controls all of the others and that when the head vampire is killed, all of their victims will return to normal. That's pretty damn creative, and so are all the ways that the vampires are defeated. But anyways, David: he's played by Kiefer Sutherland and wears cool clothes. He has good taste in aesthetics, so that's a plus on my vampire checklist.

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This movie gives me life it is so damn good. Tom Hiddleston as a reclusive rock-star vampires? Um, yes please. I love the aesthetic of Only Lovers Left Alive and its characters, to the point that I wish I could look like them. Specifically Adam, who shares almost the same aesthetic as me and I wish I could be a female version of. Serious goals right there. What I love about Adam is that he has such a deadpan and cynical outlook on life but at the same time manages to find beauty in music, art, and even his surroundings. Also that kind of bohemian lifestyle of appreciating art and literature is the life I aspire to, but unfortunately, I'm not immortal or insanely rich so I couldn't do that. Oh well.

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What's your favourite kind of fictional creature? Do you have any favourite characters that are said creature? And if you write: would you ever write about non-human characters?

Deliciously Spine-Tingling Books on My Gothic TBR


It's finally spooky month! *throws skull-shaped confetti* One of my favourite sub-genres (if it can be called one) of horror is Gothic fiction. I started studying Gothic in 2012 and I absolutely adore it. Obviously it's not for everyone, considering that the vast majority of Gothic books are classics, but modern Gothic is a thing and it's pretty damn good, considering that some of it is set in a contemporary or even a futuristic setting. Despite me saying that I love Gothic, there are obviously quite a lot of books that I haven't read and really want to, which is why I have compiled this here list of Gothic books that I want to read. Oh, and JSYK, Dracula and Frankenstein aren't on here because I've already read them and love them.

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Poe - I finally have a copy of Poe's complete work! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ I'm hoping to read this book this month, but it'll probably take me the whole month to get through. It's understandably huge so I'm planning on taking it steady, instead of trying to power through it in a week or two. But at least I finally have it!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson - Another book I have a copy of (an incredibly beautiful copy, if i do say so myself), and I should get around to reading this some time, and quite quickly, considering that it's only 10 chapters long. I honestly didn't expect this book to be so short, because I always think of classics as being quite long books. Well, either long or incredibly short.

The Castle of Otranto by Horace Wapole - I couldn't have a Gothic TBR without including the first Gothic novel, could I?

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte - Some people don't consider Jane Eyre to be a Gothic novel, but my uni lecturers who specialise in Gothic do, so therefore I do too.


Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte - Apparenly, as in according to my mother, this book is pretty difficult to read because there's tons of Yorkshire dialect in the speech, but I'm not too far from Yorkshire, and I managed to breeze through the Geordie in Dracula just fine.

Lost Souls by Poppy Z. Brite - Vampires! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

Carmilla Sheridan Le Fanu - Lesbian vampires! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

The Vampyre by John William Polidori - More vampires!!! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧


The Hunchback of Notre-Dame by Victor Hugo - Fun fact: I haven't seen the Disney version of Hunchback for some reason. I probably won't watch it until I've read the book, whenever that is.

The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux - Not gonna lie, I can't stand the musical that is based on this book. But despite that, I kind of want to read the book so see if it's not as cheesy and even a bit scary.

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice - VAMPIRES!!!!!

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde - I got a gorgeous copy of this book for Christmas last year and it's been sitting on my shelf ever since, so I should definitely get around to read it some time soon. And yes, it's a Gothic novel, shush.

Are there any Gothic books that are on your list of books to read?